Thoughts just Thoughts

Today was an interesting day. I started to have a break down. So many of my friends are back in school and are all excited or mixed feelings. I can't help, but keep thinking back on my years in highschool. Terrible to think i miss those times, but i truly do. I only wish i could have figured out back then a little more what i may have wanted to do with my life. I think i will be looking into joining the Coast Guard. I have always wanted to do something so badly in the field like that just couldn't figure out which one and I will research and over analize as i always do before i will even sign or jump into that. I have been praying like crazy to see what God says about that idea. I am just frustrated that i am 23 and still stuck in a deadend job and just not knowing where i want to go with my life. I am finally feeling free with the friends i have around me, and thank God for them with out them i know i would be falling. I am still staying strong not fearing the future truly because i know whatever it is God has it written out for me. Work has been killing my shoulders from the stress this is just getting rediculous. Anyways. I will write again later.

Poem

Sitting still
watching,
waiting,
resting,
wanting.

Listening closely
breathing,
rustling,
trickling.

Staring intently
seeing,
observing,
memorising.

Today.... Blah....

I don't even know where to begin maybe when i woke up? I woke up for work and didn't want to go. I knew for some reason this day was going to kick my butt. My bosses are all on edge i feel their stress and the rest of this crew here is feeling the same. We had to get rid of our security guard because we couldn't afford it here. It's busy to the point that we need one more person, but the problem is we aren't making the numbers that we need to in order to hire someone new. Its just been a killer one.

Yesterday for some strange reason i was in such a funk when i got home from watching the kids that i didn't even feel like moving. I washed my dog and found a way to take a shower eat dinner watch a movie and crash i was burnt out. And through all that i forgot to send a message to my Aunty one of the most important people in my life ha what a retard i am. She then labled me a "flake" this morning which sorta stung really hard to my heart. I guess i just don't get it. I try my best to follow through on things and make sure i communicate but sometimes when things are crazy i just forget.

I am trying to keep my head up and above water ha not working as well as i would have liked. I am so tired right now as i sit at work and stare into space. I am done with everything for now. We have closing tomorrow so i know that i need to make sure that we are ready. Just bla.....

Then to top off everything found out that last nights lovely display of hellicopters flying around my house was the police looking for some gang member who tried to rob someone in the Grace Church parking lot which is not far from my house at all. The person who was getting robbed tried to flee from the robbers headed towards the fountain that is in the court yard and was shot in the ankle. Nice just more excitement in my neighborhood to make me feel even safer HAHAH not! So when do i get to move out of this state and this city? Hopefully soon.. I am losing it muahahahhahhahh.

Anyways enough with this rediculousness....

Just bloggin... nothing in particular.

Just feeling a little sleepy today. I woke up entirely late today I went to the harvest crusade... good times. Anyways i know one thing i am ready for a nice long short vacation... haha that made so much sense. Anyways i am so tired of work being slow then being super busy to the point that no one can get anything done it makes life so killer over here and stressful. Ok now i have to get back to work....

I am laying here wide awake. It has been a long day from work. I came home and knocked out feel asleep till like 8pm.

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Haha we are cheesy as usual... Tyler and I posing at Christie's wedding we always have to take these random photos together just cus that's how we roll... It was a good day.... We were both very tired and ready to pass out about then. I only had like 4 hours of sleep or so and well i am not sure how many he had but i know he was dragging as well...

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Holly and I at Christie's wedding it's always tradition for her and i to take a picture together when we are at a gathering. Its funny how that started. It began at one of Christie's birthday parties if i am not mistaken.... and well it has just snowballed from there. Holly has such a big heart i love being her friend. :) She has encouraged me alot this past weekend i was really struggling with that fact that i have given up my ex to the Lord and that i am single. I am feeling more and more ready with this move on to move on lol. It's been a difficult road, but one that i know will grow me further into who ever it is i am supposed to be. Also it is preparing me for the guy that God has ready and waiting for me who ever he is....

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Haha this was from Christina's Wedding on Saturday this is Daniela and I. I will be posting a few more just for fun. Then i will finish the blog out later about the whole dealio....

Stagnant

Currently i am sitting at my desk right now just watching all of the employees run around busing themselves with whatever cares they have and whatever they are supposed to be doing. I am so exhausted right now. I am not able to fall asleep at night as quickly as i would like and i am waking up very tired. I am not getting deep enough sleep. I am not sure why. I have checked to make sure my diet is not bad right now and i have been forcing myself to eat better. I just feel so burnt out no matter what it is i do. Even if I got to bed super early i still wake up feeling unrested. If i wake up any time after 7 am i am not as tired for some odd reason. I think my deep sleep patterns are off right now....hard part is my job has me getting to work at 7 am everyday accept Fridays i get to be in at 8 am . I am starting to believe that if i were to be in at 8 am everyday my sleep would be better. Today isn't as bad as yesterday at work plus maybe my attitude about it is a bit different. I am just doing my thing and working through whatever comes my way knowing that the Lord is on my side and there is nothing else i can do... Well it's almost lunch time for me my recess from work WOOOOO WHOOO lol....

Patience

Today at work was very challenging with my boss who has got to be the crazist person i know. One minute it seems like everything is going well and he is relaxed and then there is this time where things get a little busy and he flips out insanely. Its been really difficult to be patient with him, and no matter how many times i remind him he has a good team to back him up he doesn't get it. He makes life so miserable for all of us who work for him, and he wonders why we all don't bend over backwards for him. The man has not taken a vacation in almost 10 years since he started being the manager at this store. One time when he was on his way to go on a cruise he received a phone call from a customer and told his family that work was more important and left them to go on the cruise and he went back to work. Leavin his family i mean come on now....when you go on a vacation you leave your phone off and your work behind you nothing unless the store is burning down is imporant enough to leave your family on a trip.... That to me shows how selfish that some people can be and how money and making money is more important than family to some people. How dare someone leave their family for work... that is just plain rediculous. I am so frustrated with how someone can treat and not trust their crew... the way my boss does.... Anyways that's enough for now... off to read..

Nascar Race

Super fun day today.... worked hard and then came home lazied around by napping... needed the nap... then i got to wake up and drive down to Irwindale.... where i got to see a nascar race. I got news for you seeing all of that was incredible. I had so much fun. I enjoy so much doing things like that being able to see a nascar race go bike ridding go hiking or just have fun with friends. I am very much looking forward to going to church tomorrow and possibly spending some time with an old friend. Well its off to sleep for me.