Humph...

I must say that actually being single right now has been nice. I can just freely spend time with whomever i want whenever i want. I am just very tired from doing all that fun. Lol. Tonight will be a nice night though i get to spend it at home just kicking back and relaxing just the way i like it. :) I am looking forward to another trip around the world though i am itching to go some where and i can't quite figure out where right now... ha. As for the Lord I love Him more than anything and I am enjoying the time i get to spend praying and talking to Him through out the day. Sometimes i just get sick of the everyday going to church and being around constant people trying to make it seem like things are all good and happy go lucky. I just need my time sometimes that sounds prideful, but i just get sick of pretending to be good. I am who i am a sinner and i will always have sin in my life. Its how you deal with that sin that makes you who you are. I am happy to say i have some of the greatest friends in my life right now that have been supportive and have been there to encourage me throughout just the struggles within myself. *shout out to Lauren your the greatest love yah* Vacation time again yet??? Man i wish it was... but i get to go to the beach this weekend for my mom's birthday how cool is that gonna be..??? ok peace....

Accomplishment

You know that feeling when you have just finished a big project, or got rid of something out of your life that was driving you absolutely nuts? Well i got to have that big amazing feeling this weekend. I got my room painted finally in almost eakk... too long not even going to list the years. I am feeling very exhausted from all the work, and my back is a bit sore. As of now due to one of my dear friends i have a fish in my room. Its a beta but a very pretty one i am not a big fan of betas the only good thing is they are so easy to care for all i have to do is make sure its tank doesn't get too dirty and it gets food. I went to an Angels game last night :) they won!!!! OH ya. Now i am sitting at work about to pass out from lack of sleep. Anyways. good times...

Thoughts just Thoughts

Today was an interesting day. I started to have a break down. So many of my friends are back in school and are all excited or mixed feelings. I can't help, but keep thinking back on my years in highschool. Terrible to think i miss those times, but i truly do. I only wish i could have figured out back then a little more what i may have wanted to do with my life. I think i will be looking into joining the Coast Guard. I have always wanted to do something so badly in the field like that just couldn't figure out which one and I will research and over analize as i always do before i will even sign or jump into that. I have been praying like crazy to see what God says about that idea. I am just frustrated that i am 23 and still stuck in a deadend job and just not knowing where i want to go with my life. I am finally feeling free with the friends i have around me, and thank God for them with out them i know i would be falling. I am still staying strong not fearing the future truly because i know whatever it is God has it written out for me. Work has been killing my shoulders from the stress this is just getting rediculous. Anyways. I will write again later.

Poem

Sitting still
watching,
waiting,
resting,
wanting.

Listening closely
breathing,
rustling,
trickling.

Staring intently
seeing,
observing,
memorising.

Today.... Blah....

I don't even know where to begin maybe when i woke up? I woke up for work and didn't want to go. I knew for some reason this day was going to kick my butt. My bosses are all on edge i feel their stress and the rest of this crew here is feeling the same. We had to get rid of our security guard because we couldn't afford it here. It's busy to the point that we need one more person, but the problem is we aren't making the numbers that we need to in order to hire someone new. Its just been a killer one.

Yesterday for some strange reason i was in such a funk when i got home from watching the kids that i didn't even feel like moving. I washed my dog and found a way to take a shower eat dinner watch a movie and crash i was burnt out. And through all that i forgot to send a message to my Aunty one of the most important people in my life ha what a retard i am. She then labled me a "flake" this morning which sorta stung really hard to my heart. I guess i just don't get it. I try my best to follow through on things and make sure i communicate but sometimes when things are crazy i just forget.

I am trying to keep my head up and above water ha not working as well as i would have liked. I am so tired right now as i sit at work and stare into space. I am done with everything for now. We have closing tomorrow so i know that i need to make sure that we are ready. Just bla.....

Then to top off everything found out that last nights lovely display of hellicopters flying around my house was the police looking for some gang member who tried to rob someone in the Grace Church parking lot which is not far from my house at all. The person who was getting robbed tried to flee from the robbers headed towards the fountain that is in the court yard and was shot in the ankle. Nice just more excitement in my neighborhood to make me feel even safer HAHAH not! So when do i get to move out of this state and this city? Hopefully soon.. I am losing it muahahahhahhahh.

Anyways enough with this rediculousness....

Just bloggin... nothing in particular.

Just feeling a little sleepy today. I woke up entirely late today I went to the harvest crusade... good times. Anyways i know one thing i am ready for a nice long short vacation... haha that made so much sense. Anyways i am so tired of work being slow then being super busy to the point that no one can get anything done it makes life so killer over here and stressful. Ok now i have to get back to work....

I am laying here wide awake. It has been a long day from work. I came home and knocked out feel asleep till like 8pm.